So, me and my friend were on our way to Columbia from Trenton, New Jersey. This was the beginning to our tour of America which is I must not forget to add a distance of 3,000 miles. The vehicle that me and my friend purchased was for $28.50, it was eight years old. The car was aged, perhaps it lived longer than it should have. I don't think anyone took much notice of it, or took care of it. This was evident in all the dust and filth on the back seat which had been accumulated over these long slow eight years. We didn't have much hope in the car to say the least but I guess we just wanted something, anything to help us to manoeuvre around faster than walking and so this was it. We commenced our journey, hoping to come across pleasant surprises on the way but what we witnessed was the complete opposite. We saw something spine tingling. How? Because our car broke down. This led us to fall dependent on two truckers who were passing by for reaching to Columbia. We met them, seemed fairly normal guys and then they starting speaking about a lynching which was taking place nearby and how they were actually on they're way to 'watch' it. It was of a 19 year old black boy called Hyacinth who was accused of 'raping' a 50-60 year old woman whom the two truckers described as someone not attractive at all. They said, 'They could stick her out in a field and she'd scare the crows to death.' Now my main concern was how does everyone know he raped the woman, how can they be sure? What evidence do they have? I raised several questions and the only reply the driver gave was 'She says she did...thats enough for us.' Absolutely disturbing. They took us with them cause we were going to reach Columbia on their truck... We went to the lynching. I saw all kinds of people there, all men. I stopped. Stopped right there. I watched in shock, horror and fear. I was taken back at the sight of what was occurring. Almost felt numb and frozen because I couldn't do anything to help the young poor boy, Hyacinth, I was helpless. He was hung on the roof with a rope ... a man approached him with a burning torch made of newspaper... erm... it formed contact with Hyacinths feet before it slowly started to travel upwards, faster. I looked away crying, crying from all my heart. I wish I did something to stop this injustice. Regret, sorrow and remorse is what I feel.
Commentary
Yet to be done.
www clear evidence of drawing upon the original text for inspiration and facts, you have also sought to emulate the slightly archaic style of the 1930s. There is some fluency and an attempt at the end to engage with the emotions.
ReplyDeleteebi emotionally, this takes a long time to get going and seems during the opening 2/3 to be more interested in the car and the journery. I wonder if given the brief, this is necessary. Rather, given the dispassionate response from Martha Gelhorne and her comments about her colleagues reactions in the piece, you could have taken a more subjective emotional route.
The commentary isn't an add on it is essential, please complete this ASAP AND THE OTHER re-cast and commentary as well.
WWW: Fluent and clear piece of writing, well described and explained. Some emotive writing used. :)
ReplyDeleteEBI: You focused more on the lynching - Purpose.
Although you have spoken about her personal feelings i feel like you can go more into depth, appropriate for a Diary.